


In Flames

by landy67



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, soft shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/landy67/pseuds/landy67
Summary: "Keep your confessionsCause babe I'm no saintWe're playing with fire" - In Flames, Digital DaggersMariana Ramirez doesn't let people into her life. At twenty-six, she has seen her fair share of loss not only in her life but also in her ER. After a devastating day in the emergency room, Mariana decided to join the LAFD in hopes of saving lives before they reached the ER.As a fully fledged member of the 118, Mariana must learn to cope with her losses, trust people again, and maybe even find love in her heart. Can someone who has lost so much find themselves again? Or will Mariana lose herself entirely?Content warning: will discuss death, abuse, child abuse, very brief mentions of suicide, some scenes of violence
Relationships: Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)/Original Female Character(s), Eddie Diaz/OFC, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. one

“Goooood morning, Los Angeles! It’s time to rise and shine. The time is five AM and here’s the weather forecast. It’s going to be a hot but br-”

The radio shut off as soon as the hand landed on it and the room fell silent. The figure in the bed rolled onto their side with a huff of air and groaned.

“Rise and shine,” Mariana Ramirez mumbled to herself, pulling the pillow off of her face. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes and slid her legs out from under the covers. Sitting up, the brunette ran a hand over her face and nodded to herself. Each day was a new day, she reminded herself.

Her morning routine was simple. Brush teeth, wash face, brush hair, pull into ponytail, stare into mirror for a good minute. Her fingers curled around the edges of her sink tightly as she shut her eyes and bowed her head.

“Help me get through this day,” she muttered before pushing away from the sink. Crossing the room, she stripped out of her pajamas and threw on some blue jean shorts and a tank top before pulling on socks and lacing up her sneakers. With her work bag in hand and keys in the other, the woman left her studio apartment and made her way down the four flights of stairs to the parking lot.

Los Angeles traffic could be killer but as a native to the city, Mariana knew a lot of the back roads. Not to mention, her apartment was pretty close to her work. Even with traffic, she arrived at exactly six.

“Morning, Mari!” one of her coworkers called as she passed by. She responded with a small nod of her head and continued straight for the locker rooms. Henrietta “Hen” Wilson, the only other female on the first shift of firehouse 118, was already partially dressed when Mariana entered and headed for her locker.

“How are you doing, Mari?” Hen asked. 

“Okay,” the brunette said with a shrug. “I worked at the ER two nights ago. Worked at the homeless shelter last night.”

“So you’re doing that thing where you neglect confronting your emotions by throwing yourself into work, right?”

Mariana pursed her lips as she buttoned up her uniform top and tucked it into the mandated Nomex pants. She pulled off her tennis shoes and shoved it into her locker before she yanked on her steel toed boots and pulled her hair back into a tight ponytail at the base of her neck, smoothing out the front pieces of her hair to ensure they laid flat.

“Mariana, there was nothing you could have done to save that girl,” Hen spoke up.

“Doesn’t matter. I still lost her.”

With that, Mariana strode out of the locker room.

Within a few hours of being on duty, they had received a few calls. The most recent call resulted in a woman jumping which was something that always shook them. Captain Robert “Bobby” Nash slipped away for a bit, leaving Howie “Chimney” Han in charge. Mari knew where he was heading and he was back soon enough.

“Evan took the truck out again,” she hummed as she made her way upstairs to their lounge. Bobby sighed from his place in the kitchen, glancing down at the apparatus bay. Chim ignored the brunette’s announcement and continued his discussion about his girlfriend, Tatiana. 

“-she’s bored. One foot out the door. This woman’s so far out of my league, but she’s just once-in-a-lifetime. I just can’t let her go.”

“Lots of fish in the sea,” Bobby noted.

“Not with the bait he’s using,” Hen added. Mariana smirked at her comment, leaning over to snag some of Chim’s pretzels. She raised an eyebrow at his offended look and he sighed, but continued on.

“Cruel but true. I met her on this new dating site just for cops and firefighters, RomancingTheUniform.com. She’s an adrenaline junkie so foreplay is me telling her stories about running into burning buildings and jumping into icy lakes and-”

“Oh, so she’s dating me then! Because when was the last time you did something like that? If I recall, I was the one ordered into the burning building,” Mariana noted.

“The uniform is a major aphrodisiac,” Chim continued, shooting her a glare. He loved the kid but damn, she was ruthless. Before anyone could respond, the telltale beeps of a truck backing in filled the balcony. Mariana took her seat next to Hen as she huffed out a “what? Does he think we don’t notice the massive fire truck missing from our floor?”

Hen shook her head as Mari passed her the bowl of pasta, just in time for Buck to swoop in and try to steal a piece. Mariana shook her head and grabbed a slice of bread before heading to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, having completely forgotten to do so earlier. As she passed Buck, she made sure to smack him upside the head, albeit gently. Bobby shot her a look and she simply let out an indignant huff.

“He can take the damn truck out but when I punch a guy trying to kidnap a kid, I’m put on suspension,” she muttered as she grabbed a cup. Filling it up, Mari took one drink before the bell rang. With a groan, she put the glass on the counter, shoved the slice of bread into her mouth, and bolted towards the pole.

///

In her three years as a firefighter, Mariana Ramirez had never experienced a call about a baby in the wall of a building. Hell, she hasn’t had anything close to that.

“We need to open up this wall,” Bobby announced.

“No, no. We’re being punked! It’s a tape recorder or something. Right, Spicoli?” Chimney exclaimed. Mariana rolled her eyes as she set her bag down and started to prep for an infant recovery.

“Maybe he’s right. Maybe a mother gives birth in the toilet and then flushes it!” Hen argued.

“Okay, first of all, that’s awful.”

“Never watched I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, Chimney? Happens more often than you think,” Mariana drawled. He shot her a disgusted look and shook his head.

“Second, do you not know how a toilet pipe works? There’s this piece of serpentine pipe that takes the waste from the toilet to the-”

“If this is a premature baby, it’s bones could bend and compress like sponges.” Bobby cut him off.

“It’s how the infant exits the birth canal. The bones aren’t fully formed, especially in the head,” Mariana added. “We need to go in there.”

“Stand back. I got this!” Buck yelled, charging towards the wall with an axe in hand. Hen stumbled back into Mariana who caught her. The two women glared at Buck as Bobby stopped his surge forward.

“Did you even stop to consider that you might hit a baby? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Go get the saw.”

“Try to find some common sense while you’re down there!” Chim called after him. Mariana shook her head in exasperation.

“Kid wouldn’t know what common sense is if it smacked him in the face,” she muttered. Bobby sent her a sharp glare in reprimand and she sighed. “Listen, Bobby. I get that you’re trying to do the whole mentor thing for him but I don’t think it’s really fair that he gets to be a complete idiot and not get even a slap on the wrist but I get reprimanded constantly.”

“That’s because you don’t follow orders,” Hen teased.

“I only break rules when I know they’re stupid,” Mariana sniffed.

“Mari, PD is going to be here soon and looking for the mother. I want you to help them on their search,” Bobby ordered.

“On it, Cap. See? I can follow orders.”

The brunette hurried out of the apartment and jogged downstairs, meeting Sergeant Athena Grant as she entered the apartment complex. She pivoted on her heel and kept in stride with Athena, swiveling her head left to right as officers fanned out to knock on doors.

“Nash give you to me because he needs you to help search or because your mouth got you in trouble again?” Athena asked.

“Probably both, let’s be honest,” Mariana replied with a smirk playing on her lips. “Besides, mother is going to need medical attention. Holler if you need me.”

Mariana turned off into one of the hallways, banging on doors as she passed. “LAFD! Anyone have a teen girl living here? LAFD!” As one point, Hen ran past her yelling about not flushing toilets and Mariana suppressed the urge to snort out a laugh. She had just hopped up to the fifth floor when Athena yelled her name. She met the older woman at the stairway platform and Athena wordlessly led them to an apartment and banged her fist on the door. When the man opened it slowly, Athena shoved it further open and knocked him to the ground. Mariana stepped over him and made a beeline to the hall with Athena close behind.

Opening up the bedroom door, Mariana found a young teen laying in bed. She pulled back the covers and found her sweatpants soaked in blood. With a mumbled curse, she unwrapped her stethoscope from around her neck and checked her airway as she pressed two fingers to the girl’s wrist.

“We need to get her to the hospital now. Wrap the blanket around her and don’t shift her hips or waist too much. I’m going to run ahead and alert the ambo.”

Athena nodded and Mariana bolted out of the room, sliding her stethoscope into her pocket as she dashed down the stairs. She could hear the father and Athena close behind. She could see Hen standing by the cab waiting to get the go ahead and she waved at her as she ran out.

“We have the mother coming!” she yelled and Hen nodded. Buck, however, shouted out his disagreement from the back. Mariana whirled around and shot him the most withering glare she could manage.

“You don’t decide who lives or dies, Buckley,” the latina snarled before she ran to the cab. Hen took the passenger seat as Mariana slid into the driver’s. She strapped on her seatbelt and waited for the doors to close before she pressed onto the gas and eased them out of the parking lot.

“Can you go any faster?” Buck shouted. Mariana huffed out a frustrated breath and flipped on the lights and sirens. Hen shot her a nervous look as they pulled onto the highway. It was like Mariana had completely changed in seconds. The ambulance climbed from fifty to sixty to seventy until it hit eighty miles per hour. The brunette slammed on the horn while simultaneously weaving through traffic.

“Dispatch, this is RA 118. We are incoming with a premature infant pulled from a toilet pipe and a young mother bleeding profusely. I need Hemmings and Andrews ready at the hospital bay when we arrive,” she called into the radio.

“10-4, Ramirez. Be safe driving.”

“10-4.”

“Hospital ETA is five minutes!” Hen called to the back. “Hang in!”

Mariana pressed her foot onto the pedal just a little more, casually merging into lanes and avoiding drivers. Hen gripped the handle of the ambulance as Mariana approached the turn into the ambulance. She eased off the gas and onto the breaks, bringing them down to seventy and then sixty and then she caught a break in traffic and drifted them straight into the ambulance emergency bay. The ambulance slowed to a stop easily and Mariana engaged the breaks before hopping out.

“I’ll be back in a second!” Mariana followed the trauma team into the hospital and stopped at the charge nurse’s desk. Leslie looked up at her with a raised eyebrow and Mariana leaned forward with an innocent look on her face.

“I’ll update Captain Nash on the condition of both patients before the end of your shift,” Leslie sighed. “And I’m cancelling your next shift. You need sleep, Ramirez.”

“I’m fine, Les.”

“Throwing yourself into work just to avoid feeling emotions is the opposite of fine, Mariana. I’ve known you long enough to know your vices. Did you drive here?”

The guilty expression on the brunette’s face was enough of an indication. Leslie pinched the bridge of her nose and nodded. “At least you were saving someone’s life. Now, get out of my ER before I take you off shift for the next two weeks.”

“You’re understaffed. You need me.” Mariana started to walk backwards towards the sliding doors.

“Don’t test me!” Leslie called. Mariana smirked and spun around as the doors opened and found herself facing Buck, Bobby, and Hen. Her smirk dropped back into a scowl when Buck scoffed and pointed towards her.

“Why does she get to go in but I don’t?”

“Because I work there, Evan. I was a nurse before I joined the academy.” She stepped up closer to him and got in his face, jabbing her finger into his chest as she glared up at him. “You pull a stunt out there like you just did and I’ll make sure the only time you see the inside of that hospital is when I put you there.”

“Ramirez!” Bobby barked. “Ride in the back of the ambulance. Buck, get in the truck.”

Mariana’s glare didn’t leave Buck until the doors to the ambulance shut.

///

Their next shift wasn’t until four days later. Mariana’s anger had simmered down and now she was just being coolly cordial to Buck. Chimney informed him that the level she was at was potentially more dangerous than her exploding on him.

After the snake call, Mariana found herself cooking dinner in the kitchen. Buck had taken the firetruck again and this time, Bobby actually went to go say something. She couldn’t help but let a satisfied smile play on her lips. Buck was getting fired.

“Hey,” Hen said as she joined her in the kitchen. The older woman stole some of the pasta out of the strainer and Mariana raised her spatula as a threat. Hen chuckled and avoided the smack by sliding around to the other side of the counter. She leaned against the granite and studied the younger woman before her.

“Y’know what I’ve been thinking about recently? The young twenty-four year old that showed up at this firehouse three years ago looking absolutely terrified but determined to prove herself. I wonder what happened to her.”

“She grew up, Hen.”

“Poor thing was skittish as a colt and as aggressive as an alligator. Nearly bit off the new captain’s head until he proved that he wasn’t going to abandon the team. Sometimes, those parts like to make an appearance once or twice.”

“Get to the point already.”

“You’re snapping at Buck because first of all, you lost someone that you feel like you could have saved two shifts ago and second, although you are like a little sister to me and I love you dearly, cannot process emotions like a normal person. Third of all, you see a lot of yourself in Buck. You were a bit reckless too. Bobby helped you get past your issues. Now it’s time that you start to help others through their issues.”

“And how can I help when I have the emotional range of a limp noodle?”

Hen chuckled, glancing back as the firetruck began to back into the apparatus bay. The older woman patted Mariana on the back and started to walk off. “How about you start by not insulting him every time you talk to him? Maybe call him by his name?”

Mariana sighed and poured the pasta into a serving bowl with the alfredo sauce before she garnished it with parmesan and oregano. She was literally about to bring it to the table when the alarm went off. With a groan, the brunette left the bowl on the table and bolted to the pole. Sliding down, she grabbed her turnout gear and booked it to the truck, jumping into the back just as Bobby hopped into the front.

///

Could she get some peace and quiet in this place? Mariana was trying to lift some weights but of course, Buck had to start yelling.

“You’re wrong, Bobby. I absolutely do get what a privilege it is to serve here and you know what? You were right to fire me! I was a punk. I still am one. But I’m a punk who understands what he lost.”

Mariana smirked at his comment, setting the weights back on the rack. She walked to the edge of the workout area and waited until Bobby walked away before she approached the youngest member of the team.

“I think I’m not fired,” he said to Hen.

“Shift’s not over yet,” Mariana snorted, crossing her arms over her chest. He pivoted on his heel to turn and face her. Hen winked at her before walking off. Mariana jutted out her chin as she stared him down.

“You should know, Buck, that I’m kinda the reigning champion of back talking to Bobby. Don’t try and take that title.”

“Wasn’t planning on it. Are you still like, pissed at me?”

“We all make mistakes when we’re new, kid. Let’s just try to make less from now on. Got it?”

“Yeah...wait, why are you calling me kid? I’m a year younger than you!”

“Go get dressed, Buck!”

Maybe Hen was right. Maybe she did need to ease off the kid.


	2. two

Mariana loaded the plate in her hand with some more potatoes before she passed it to Chim. The dark haired man raised it in thanks and she saluted him with her spatula, waiting for Bobby to pass her another plate. Chimney went to deliver the plate to Buck but he refused.

“I’m not hungry.”

Mariana knew how he felt. He had lost his first person at a roller coaster the night before. Losing someone was always hard, but your first? Feels like a punch to the gut, chest, and heart.

“This is America, Buckaroo. Eating has nothing to do with being hungry,” Chimney shot back.

“I was right there. All he had to do was reach up and grab my hand.”

“People do funny things when they’re scared,” Mariana said as she passed another plate to Chimney. “Sometimes they freeze up or lash out. We can’t control how they react.”

“I’ve never lost anyone before,” Buck sighed. “Does it get any easier?”

“No,” Mariana and Bobby intoned at the same time. She grabbed her own plate and headed over to the table to take her seat next to Buck.

“Look, people die and that’s part of the gig, right? See, your problem is that you’re looking at every job like it’s a long term relationship. They’re one night stands, man. In that moment, they mean everything to you but once the morning comes...it’s onto the next one,” Chimney attempted to help.

“That is a terrible analogy,” Mariana hissed.

“Hey, you guys don’t mind but I brought some company to family dinner! Athena’s going through some stuff at home so she could use some TLC,” Hen announced. Mariana turned, seeing her climb the stairs with Athena behind her. The dark haired latina was on her feet instantly, a small grin on her face.

“Well, we don’t usually allow cops at secret firehouse meetings, but I’ll make an exception,” Bobby joked.

Mariana hugged Athena before pulling back with a sparkle in her brown eyes. “Hiya mama.”

“You better be staying out of trouble, miss.” Athena tugged on the french braid hanging down Mariana’s back.

The younger woman smirked and headed back to the kitchen to grab a few more plates while Athena greeted Buck. She returned to the table just in time to hear Bobby talking about Buck’s current mood.

“Buck here is having a little trouble moving on from a call that didn’t go his way.”

“You know why they make us wear these uniforms, right? Cops, firefighters, paramedics.”

“Sex appeal?” Chim asked and Mariana rolled her eyes as she dug into her dinner.

“So people can easily identify us,” Buck answered.

“Both true, but it’s also for our own good. Because when we take off the uniform at the end of the day, it symbolizes letting go of all the sad, crazy, inhumane things we’ve seen that day.”

“I see his face every time I close my eyes. That happen to you guys?”

The table fell silent and Bobby glanced over at Mariana. She was seemingly invested in her dinner, pushing it around the plate as she refused to meet his eyes. Everyone but Buck knew that Mariana Ramirez had seen more loss than most people. They just didn’t know how much.

“It’ll pass,” Athena finally said.

The bell’s sudden ring broke Mariana out of her thoughts and she was actually thankful for a call. Jumping up, the brunette rushed to the pole and prepared to focus solely on the call.

///

“Mari,” Bobby called.

The brunette hopped down from her seat on top of the fire truck that she was wiping down with a rag and onto the cab seat before she climbed down. Buck was being interviewed by some newscaster who wanted to talk about his “daring roller coaster rescue”. Poor kid having to relieve one of his worst moments over and over again.

“What’s up, boss?” she asked, facing Bobby with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Just checking to see how you are with all of the...discussions going on.”

Her eyebrow raised at his statement and she scoffed, pushing off of the truck and walking towards the ambulance with the intention of checking the supply and restocking.

“I’m fine. Shouldn’t you be checking up on Buck?”

“Mari.”

“I’m fine. I’m getting regular sleep and Leslie refuses to let me take more than two shifts a week. I’m fine.”

“Second you’re not fine and you tell me or Athena, got it?”

“Yes sir.”

///

It was the next shift that Mariana found herself alone with the newest member of the 118. Buck was sitting in the gym alone while everyone else was getting cleaned up or restocking after the most recent call.

“Hey,” she greeted as she sat on the bench next to him.

“Hey.” His voice was quiet and very unlike him.

“You went to the funeral, right? We all make that mistake.”

He turned his head to stare at her, noticing the far away look in her brown eyes. A somber smile pulled at the edges of her lips before they parted to speak once more.

“The worst ones to lose are children but the most devastating are the people you know. We could try everything and yet sometimes it’s not enough. That guilt and grief will eat you alive if you let it but grief is a funny thing. Each person you meet has some form of grief or guilt on their shoulders. Some have a little, some have a lot. Every interaction between people shifts a tiny portion of that grief off onto someone’s shoulders. It’s okay to let it shift on sometimes. One person is not enough to carry all that weight. Give some of it to us. We can handle it.”

Buck stared at her with a stunned look and she let out a huff of laughter. “I can be insightful when I want to, Buckley.”

“Who...who was the first person you lost?”

“On a call? Seventeen year old kid on her way to prom. Other car was full of kids her age who were drunk out of their minds. Her name was Maria Villanueva. In the ER? Eight year old drowning victim.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That was a long time ago, Buck. I’ve shifted the grief enough.”

“Y’know, I don’t know that much about you. Maybe we could get a drink or a-”

She barked out a laugh and stood, clapping her hand down on his shoulder. “First of all, I’m never gonna sleep with you. Second of all, I don’t drink. Ever. Don’t get your hopes up.”

He watched her walk out of the gym area and move to help Chim and Hen restock the ambulance, dark hair swinging from her ponytail. He shook his head with a smile. Mariana Ramirez was one big enigma.


	3. three

_ “Sixteen year old female fell from a second story balcony. No prior history of illnesses and no medications. Alert and talking on the ambulance. Possible concussion. Broken femur, two cracked ribs, and lacerations on her hands and knuckles.” _

_ “What happened to this poor thing?” _

_ “Surgery needed…” _

_ “No family except a little brother…” _

_ “Texas?” _

The memories shattered with the collision of her fists against the punching bag. Mariana whirled around, her foot slamming into the leather bag as it swung from the rafters. Faces swam in the vision of her memory but she shoved them aside and instead let her fists beat the leather.

“Mariana,” Chimney called as he exited the locker room. She dropped her fists to her side and sighed, turning to face him. The older man offered her a crooked smile and walked over to the mini gym set up they had in the firehouse.

“Gotta stop beating yourself up kid.”

“I’m not beating myself up. I’m beating the bag.”

“You know what I mean. You’ve done good.”

“I could do better.”

He sighed and shook his head. “One of these days, Mari, you’re going to realize that you can’t blame yourself for everything. You’re a good kid.”

“Aw, is Chimney getting soft? Do you care about my feelings?” she mocked as she stripped off her gloves and began to unravel the wraps around her hands and wrists.

“You’re also an asshole when people care about you,” he snarked back. She shot him a devilish smirk before heading towards the locker room. He watched her saunter over to the lockers and ran a hand down his face.

“One day she won’t win. One day!”

“Are you talking to yourself, Chim? That’s a sign of insanity,” Hen called as she walked by him. Her partner muttered something under his breath before following her upstairs.

///

“Adult male down on the hillside, we got three kids in a bouncy house,” Hen informed dispatch. Mariana was already gearing up to climb down the cliff face, knowing she would be sent to help the father.

“Alright, we’re going to stage the trucks on that service road. Hen, I want you and Buck to rappel down, anchor that bouncy house. Assess the condition of those kids, start to send them down one-by-one in a basket. Mari, you and I will take care of the dad,” Bobby ordered. “Chimney, you’re going to stay up here and work the winch.”

Mariana shot him a thumbs up before jogging to the truck to grab her med bag. She clipped on her climbing helmet and strapped her bag onto her back before rejoining them at the cliff edge. Chimney clipped her harness onto the line and Mariana slowly backed her way to the edge.

“Mari, you’re good to go,” Chim announced and she quickly stepped back, catching her boots on the cliff face. Slowly but surely, Mariana dropped down the cliff and closer to the father. Calls like these were some of the more fun ones, in her opinion. She loved being able to do the more dangerous things which Bobby liked to call it her “inability to assess potential dangers and damages”.

Landing smoothly on the ground, she radioed up her location and unclipped herself from harness as Bobby joined her. Mariana hurried to the father’s side, carefully stopping him from moving.

“Cameron…” the man groaned.

“Sir, I need you to not move for me. Okay? Stay still and we will get you to safety as soon as possible,” she informed him, keeping her voice soft and soothing. There was a switch between Mariana in the field and off the field. In the field, whether nursing or firefighting, she was calm and composed for the patient. She knew how to ensure patients were relaxed and assured them of their safety.

Off the field, she was a spitfire who wasn’t afraid to get in your face.

“How are we looking?” Bobby asked.

“No vertebral damage from what I can tell. I need a c-collar and some gauze for the facial laceration. Broken femur…”

Mariana trailed off for a second, her voice seizing in her throat. Broken femur…

“Ramirez!” Bobby snapped her out of her memory. She shook her head to clear her mind and unstrapped her med bag off her back. With eased precision, she was able to adjust the man’s neck for her to fit the c-collar on. Chim lowered a backboard for them and Bobby retrieved it as Mariana prepped the man to flip. They wordlessly worked together, securing him onto the backboard before she splinted the man’s leg and gave the thumbs up to the gurney crew standing nearby.

Bobby followed them to the ambo transport while Mariana repacked her bag, cursing her stupidity for letting her emotions override her better judgement. No distractions on the job. That’s the rule.

“You alright?” Bobby asked. She shrugged as she stood, swinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Fine.”

///

Voices filled the packed auditorium as children shrieked and danced through the tables and adults chatted with one another. Some people walked among the tables with clipboards in hand as they stopped to chat with patrons.

Mariana stopped at table seven to grab some orders, a grin plastered on her face. “What will it be today folks?”

“Everything for all of us!” Ellen cried and the six other patrons laughed at her excitement. Mariana grinned and winked at the elderly woman before she jotted it down on the notepad clamped down on her clipboard.

“Come join us once you’ve served anyone dear! We want to catch up,” Alice insisted.

“I promise as long as you remain out of trouble and don’t start another food fight.”

“It was one time!”

Mariana laughed and headed back to the kitchens. She deposited the meal ticket onto the line, slid her clipboard into its intended slot, and began to grab ready plates and their meal tickets.

Working at the homeless shelter was something she started when she was seventeen. Abuela deemed it necessary for her to find healthy outlets to occupy her time. Mariana made an effort to volunteer at least once a week here and also at a local group home for foster kids. With work, she maintained a busy schedule but it was good for her. It didn’t allow her mind to run free.

By the time she served most of the other tables, table seven’s orders were ready. It took three trips to safely get all the plates there but she succeeded and soon pulled up a chair next to Helen and Alice.

“It’s so good to see you doing so well, Mariana. It helps the kids to see you succeeding,” Helen said. Mariana ducked her head shyly as she pushed her mashed potatoes across the plate. She didn’t feel very successful.

“Just trying to honor my abuela’s memory, that’s all.” The older adults around the table booed at her denial and Alice slapped her hand in admonishment. Mariana jumped but offered Alice a teasing glare.

“Mariana, when you first started coming here, you were the angriest and most troubled child I’d ever seen. There was darkness in your soul. But look at you now! Mighty firefighter you are. You shook off the darkness, baby, and now it’s time for the light.”

The young woman grasped Helen’s hand tightly, fighting against the tears building in her eyes. She nodded her thanks and Helen gently patted their clasped hands.

“They would be proud of you. All of them.”

///

“Buck, I could drive better than you blindfolded sitting backwards,” Mariana called from the kitchen as Hen and Buck wrestled for the controller. 

“Hen, Hen please. Someone call HR!” Buck yelled. Mari smirked at the two as she shook her head. Bobby rolled his eyes, passing her the tomatoes for the salad. The two usually did dinner prep together. Mariana had cooked most of the time before Bobby came to the firehouse but once he made family dinners, they equally shared the work. It was their bonding time.

“Chimney! Here, you’re up,” Hen announced after she successfully pulled the controller out of Buck’s hands. Chimney just walked past them silently and marched into the kitchen. He opened the fridge to grab some water as Buck and Hen followed.

“Hey, is there something you need to talk about?” Mariana asked as she added croutons to the salad. A quick turn of her head revealed Chim standing next to her at the island, looking dejected as ever.

“I’m a good-looking guy, right? I mean, like, you could do a lot worse than me, yeah?”

“Chimney, I’ve done a whole lot worse than you,” Hen assured him.

Mariana let out a soft snort before replying with, “I don’t date and can still assure you that yes, I could do a lot worse than you.”

She passed Buck the plates and pointed to the table before grabbing the salad bowl and bringing it to the table. As she walked back, Chimney dropped the bomb.

“I asked Tatiana to marry me.”

“Wow, okay,” she replied as Hen’s mouth dropped open and Buck’s eyes grew wide.

“Um...well...what happened?” Hen asked.

“First, she said she cheated on a fiance that I didn’t even know about, and that now we need to break up, then she said she didn’t know. I…”

“Did you offer her the option of an open marriage? It’s super modern.” Buck supplied.

“Evan Buckley!” Mariana admonished. He ducked from her well-aimed smack to the head and went to deliver the burgers to the table while Hen and Mari turned back to their friend.

“Chim, I’m sorry. That may not have been the response that you hope for, but it’s not no.”

“It might as well be,” he grumbled.

“Probably for the best,” Bobby muttered and Mariana snapped her head over to glare at him. Granted, she didn’t support Tatiana and Chimney’s relationship but you don’t just say something like that! Especially when Chimney was clearly frustrated. She backed away from the island and swiveled on her heel to go help Hen and Buck set the table, ignoring the fight that was bound to happen. As the voices began to raise, Mariana stilled in her movements and instead stared blankly down at the plates. Her chest felt tight and her skin tingled with discomfort. Chimney began to yell and she flinched, her grip tightening on the bowls in her hands. It wasn’t until Chimney stormed off that she was able to breathe again and the ringing in her ears began to quiet.

“Mari, hey,” Buck said as he clapped a hand down on her shoulder. She jumped and pulled away from him immediately, a panicked look flashing across her face. Hen and Bobby and Buck were all staring at her in concern and she just shook her head, squared her shoulders, and glanced back at the stairs Chimney had just rushed down.

“He’s driving angry and that’s never a good thing. Driving angry is driving stupid,” she announced.


	4. four

Her reaction was never discussed during dinner and Mariana thought she was fine until Bobby joined her in cleaning the truck. She was wiping down the interior from their last sooty call when Bobby climbed into the cab and shut the side door before gesturing for her to close the door on her side. Mariana sighed but complied nevertheless.

“What was that back there?” he asked kindly. “You looked as if Buck was about to hit you.”

She leaned her head back on the headrest and let out a rush of air before nodding slowly. “Yeah, i-it happens sometimes. Yelling...arguing, it sets me off. Usually I can keep it under wraps and not react, but that’s when I’m working or on a call. This is, uh, a safe place? I guess? For me, that is. And...y’know…” She trailed off and Bobby smiled gently in understanding.

“I’m sorry that we scared you, Mari. It was unprofessional of me and I shouldn’t have yelled. Are you comfortable with telling me more about why you react that way?”

“Thought it was pretty obvious,” she spat. “Got the shit kicked out of me as a kid. Bad foster placements and my, uh, my uncle wasn’t the greatest caretaker. He, um, he was the worst. But they took me outta there when I was sixteen. My abuela took care of me and Luis after that.” She fiddled with the respirator in her hand and refused to make eye contact but Bobby was proud of her for being so open. Mariana had been working at the station almost two years before he had joined and yet Hen and Chimney admitted that they didn’t know much about her either. Mariana spoke about her work and some activities outside of work, that was it. She invited them to the soup kitchen, regaled them with stories about a crazy injury brought into the ER, or about a book she read. He had never heard about her family or anything that happened between them.

“Luis?” he asked.

“My brother.” The answer was simple and curt and Bobby knew not to push it. He grabbed a respirator to help her with cleaning them down.

“Thank you for being willing to open up,” he said, holding out his hand. Mariana finally made eye contact with him and hesitated but grabbed his hand. “We’re a family here, Mari. No one will ever try to hurt you and if they do, they’ll respond to me directly.”

Mariana let a small hint of a smile creep onto her lips and Bobby would claim that to be one of the biggest victories in his time as captain so far. The moment was cut short by his phone ringing and he quickly answered.

“Hello? Who is this? Okay!” Bobby scrambled out of the truck and Mari followed suit, concerned at what the phone call was about.

“Alright everybody, let’s gear up!” he shouted. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

“For what? I didn’t hear a bell,” Buck exclaimed.

“It’s Chimney. Hustle everybody!”

The bell began to ring and dispatch announced an auto accident. Mariana could have sworn a blue streak. Driving angry wasn’t driving smart. She grabbed her turnout gear and yanked it on in seconds before sprinting to the truck.

“I’ll drive,” she announced, not giving anyone else a choice. She barely gave Buck a chance to shut the door to the truck before she was peeling out of the garage, heading for the freeway.

“What was that about driving angry is driving stupid?” Hen called as Mariana accelerated down the road.

“I’m not angry,” she replied calmly as her foot pressed on the gas. Flipping on lights and sirens, she merged onto the freeway and began to easily weave in and out of traffic. The flashing lights up ahead indicated that she was on the right track and she eased on the brakes, stopping just before the accident scene. Bobby was out of the truck before she even had the brake engaged.

“You guys stay here,” Bobby ordered before he followed the other captain to the car. He reappeared minutes later, face drawn and pale. He gestured for Mariana to follow him to the ambulance and the others came with.

“He has a piece of rebar through his head.”

They all froze, staring at Bobby in shock. Mariana had seen her fair share of impalements in the ER, but none through the skull.

“He’s conscious?” she exclaimed as she grabbed her medic pack.

“He’s alert and talking, doesn’t appear to be in any pain.”

“He’s got a piece of rebar through his skull. How is that even possible?” Buck asked as they grabbed their packs and tools and followed Bobby.

“Brain tissue has no nociceptors. No pain,” Mariana explained. “Shock blocks out the rest of the pain and adrenaline is one hell of a drug.”

“This hasn’t registered yet. He knows he’s pinned but that’s it so keep it cool,” Bobby reminded them. Mariana set her shoulders straight and approached the vehicle. The sea of first responders parted at the sight of her.

“Heya Chim. How many times have I told you that driving angry is driving stupid?” she greeted as she crouched down to see her friend better. He let out a breathless laugh at her words.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. I’m sure you’ve never done something like this.”

“Oh, I never said that. Hen, can you check his airways please?”

“Wow, you’re actually...kinda nice when you want to be, Mari.”

“It’s cause you’re a patient and not just a pain in my ass.”

“Airways sound good,” Hen announced from the passenger seat. Mari nodded and Bobby spoke up from next to her. “What’s your pain level?”

“Not much pain. I don’t think there’s any spinal damage. I can feel my legs but when I try and move my head-”

“Don’t!” they chorused. Mariana let out a shaky breath as the reality of the situation hit her. This wasn’t just a regular patient or victim. This was Chimney, her friend.

“What’s going on?” Chimney demanded. “Wh-wh-why aren’t you guys like cutting me out of here?”

“It’s complicated,” Bobby explained as Mariana grabbed Chimney’s hand in a comforting gesture. Her fingers rested over his pulse to reassure her of its steady beat.

“Why?”

“You’ve been injured, Chim.”

“How bad is it?”

“It’s not good,” Buck interjected. Mariana shot him a withering glare before turning her attention back onto Chimney.

“Well, I want to see it!”

“No, you don’t,” Bobby protested.

“Yeah, I do! Bobby, show me.”

Bobby finally relented and whipped out his phone, filming the damage. He flipped the phone around and showed Chim the video as everyone fell silent. Chimney whispered out a “holy crap” as the weight of the situation settled on his shoulders.

“How come I’m not dead?”

“Because you are the luckiest and unluckiest son of a bitch on the face of the earth all at the same time.”

“Guys, I can’t even feel this. Please get me out of here before I start to.”

Mari’s lips quirked up slightly and she placed her free hand on Chimney’s shoulder. “I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure that you will leave this car safe and placed in the hands of the best neurosurgeons in the area.”

“Does that mean Mariana is in charge? Because I wasn’t nervous before but I might be now.”

“Alright, asshole. Second you’re back to work, I am accidentally dropping a halligan on your foot. I think our best course of action is to transport the entire car to the ER and extract him once we’re closer in range to medical. I need a sturdy c-collar and we need to tie him down and ensure there’s no movement in the process. Can we do that?”

Bobby nodded and left to gather the resources and get the tow truck ready while Mariana moved over so she could see Chimney better. “Trust me, Howie. We’ve got this.”

“I trust you with my life, Ramirez.”

She smiled. A real, genuine smile. Then, it disappeared and her stoic face returned.

Thirty minutes later and Mariana was holding his body steady as they cut through the rebar outside of the ER. Buck helped her carefully extract him out of the seat and onto a gurney which they wheeled towards the doors. Two nurses met them and took hold of the stretcher.

“We’ll take him from here,” the man assured them. Mariana started forward and she got right up into his face.

“You give him your best, most utmost care or I will have your ass fired. You hear?” she growled. The nurse nodded, a hint of fear in his eyes. She glanced down at Chimney and at their clasped hands. She gave him one final comforting squeeze before stepping away and walking back towards the truck.

///

After Bobby’s declaration of Chimney’s status, Mariana found herself buzzing with energy. Usually she would beat a boxing bag or go for a run, but a call could come at any time and she had to be ready. They were down a paramedic meaning she and Hen had to be ready.

So when the bell rang, Mariana only felt a small sense of guilt at the relief of something to occupy her mind.

When they got on scene, Mariana immediately slung her paramedic bag onto her shoulder and bolted towards the truck that cops were swarming around. Hen joined her as they waited for Buck and Bobby to saw the lock off.

“What kind of asshole just leaves people out here in heat like this?” Mari muttered.

“Let’s find out.”

The two women rushed to the cab but it was locked. Mariana hoisted herself up onto the steps and peered into the window. The driver’s license was strapped to the mirror and she smirked victoriously.

“Art Guile,” she called back to Hen. “I’ll let one of the officers know.”

They hopped back down and Mariana rushed off to inform an officer before running back just as they opened the doors of the trucks. Her heart dropped into her stomach at the sight of all the people laying in the boiling metal.

“Agua, agua, por favor,” one man cried. Voices clambered over one another as people desperately reached out for the first responders. Mariana surged forward, helping carry a little girl off the truck and into the arms of another paramedic.

“Permite! Permite! Necesito ayuda las personas en el camión,” she shouted as she crawled into the truck. “I need saline and IV lines!”

She stripped off her turnout coat and spread it on the hot metal floor before she laid a person on it. The woman’s eyes were slowly opening and closing but her hand gripped Mariana’s wrist tightly.

“Mija. Regresaste,” the woman gasped.

“Lo siento pero soy una bombera. Me llamo Mariana. ¿Cómo se llama?”

“Teresa. Teresa Gutierrez.”

Mariana stilled in her rapid movements before she shook her head and began to administer a saline line. “Teresa fue el nombre de mi mama.”

“Moriré?” Teresa asked softly. Mariana shook her head firmly, flagging down an officer to help carry her out of the truck.

“No, no hoy. Hoy es origen de una vida nueva.”

Teresa held her hand the entire time Mariana and the officer carried her outside and to the yellow tarp. Once they had her settled and Mariana ordered an officer to hold the saline bag until they were able to get transport, did she leave her side to go help at the red tarp.

She stood, her eyes trailing over everyone watching the scene. Hen was about to pass her when Mariana grabbed her arm and pointed at the tall man standing near the back of the crowd. “That’s him. That’s the driver.”

Before Hen could stop her, Mariana was striding forward and beckoning towards him. “Hey asshole! Don’t you even think about running!”

He turned to start running and Mariana burst into a sprint, ducking under the tape and tackling him like a two hundred pound linebacker. The small woman grunted as they slammed into the ground but she wouldn’t let him flee. Rolling over, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him back to the ground as she twisted his arm back with her other hand.

“There are families in that truck. Children. Who the  _ fuck _ do you think you are? Huh?” she snarled. “Scum like you deserve to  _ rot.” _

One of the officers grabbed her shoulder and gently pulled her back as another officer began to arrest the man. Mariana’s chest heaved up and down and her flushed face was either a sign of anger or exertion.

“That was badass! Hen said we weren’t here to blow off steam but you clearly just did,” Buck laughed, patting Mariana on the back. She grabbed his wrist and threw his hand down at his side before scoffing.

“You know what you can blow,” the brunette snapped. She spun on her heel and marched back to the tarps.

///

Nearing the end of their shift, Bobby took over for driving. He directed the truck towards the hospital and everyone was too tired to argue or question. They knew what he was thinking and for once, Mariana was glad to be at the hospital for something other than work.

“Neuro recovery is floor five,” she mumbled to Bobby. He nodded and led her, Hen, and Buck to the elevator. They rode up silently, everyone too numb to speak. Bobby introduced himself at the nurse station and the nurse at the desk agreed to show them back.

“He’s a tough nut,” she said as they stopped outside his room. “He’s gonna be in this room for a few more days. Intubation tube is out, obviously, but the catheter’s still in.”

“Can he hear us?” Buck asked.

“I always treat them like they can,” she offered. “All right, two minutes and then I’m kicking you out.”

They filed in and Mariana joined Bobby on Chimney’s left side with Buck and Hen on his right. Bobby carefully picked up Chimney’s hand and glanced at the team before looking down at Chimney.

“Hey Chim. We’re all here for you, buddy.”

He must have heard Bobby because his fingers curled around Bobby’s hand. Hen and Mari took a seat at the bottom of his bed. While Hen rested her hand on her friend’s leg, Mari fussed with his blanket and smoothed it out.

“Hey, I was thinking maybe when you come back to work, yo-you should do the Maneuver instead of me,” Buck added. Mari let out a soft huff of laughter as Hen glared at him.

“To motivate him to get better,” he whispered.

“He can’t do the Maneuver,” Hen hissed.

“Yeah he can. Hey Chim, you can do the Maneuver, right?”

Bobby slowly pulled his hand away, revealing Chimney’s weak thumbs up. They all let out small laughs at the sight.

“I tried to get a hold of your parents,” Hen spoke up next. “There’s a sixteen hour time difference with Seoul, you know, so maybe...maybe that has something to do with it.”

“That’s alright,” Bobby murmured. “His family’s right here.”

They all exchanged a glance and Mariana leaned closer to Chimney. “You hear that, bud? We’re family and...and I need you back to work soon. I promise I won’t drop a halligan on your foot and I’ll even let you win once.”

She gently placed her hand in his and his fingers lightly squeezed around her calloused skin. Her lips quirked up into a sad smile, knowing the significance behind that.

“Please don’t ever let him do the Maneuver,” Hen laughed.

They all loosened up as Buck and Hen started to bicker about letting Chimney do the Maneuver. Mariana watched them before she swung her head to the side to look at Bobby. The fire captain grinned at her and she knew what he was thinking.

This was her new family and Mariana was determined not to lose them this time.


	5. five

“Ooo, fajita night!” Mariana exclaimed as she and Buck entered the kitchen. The younger man leaned over the counter and grabbed a pepper out of Hen’s dish which earned a glare from the paramedic.

“Really? If you want some, just ask.”

“Hen, could I please have some?” Mariana said in her sweetest voice. Hen nodded with a smirk on her lips and Mariana instantly shoved Buck away from her as she bounded around the island to grab a bowl.

“I’m good. I already ate,” Buck replied, ignoring the two women.

“You still owe me twenty bucks, Buck. Don’t think I’mma forget.”

“For what?”

“For the cookie bouquet we delivered to Chimney,” Mariana drawled out, passing Hen a bowl. “The one with the get well card that we personally watched you sign.”

“He’s doing it again.” Buck ignored their frustrations, his gaze fixed on Bobby who was seated across the room. Mariana rolled her eyes as she dished some of the chicken and peppers over the rice Hen has already cooked.

“What? Eating dinner?” Hen snarked.

“It’s something normal people do, Evan.”

“Haha. No. Staring into that book,” Buck whined. “Come on, you two must have a line on the gossip around here. What is it? Wh-why is he so obsessed with it?”

“Why are you so obsessed with yourself?” Mariana snapped.

“Down girl. All I’m gonna tell you about that book is to stay the hell away from it. Trust me. I made that mistake three months into working here,” Hen warned.

“So you’re saying no one here knows what he writes in it. Well, watch this.”

Buck sauntered off to go bother Bobby as Hen and Mari took a seat at the dinner table. Mariana sat across from the older woman, a look of annoyance on her face.

“When he swings at you, make sure it hits the mark you’ve already got,” Mariana snarked before she dug into her dinner. “Entitled brat.”

Hen lightly kicked her under the table and gave her a pointed look. Mariana’s harsh edge came from a well-meaning place. She was protective over her team and in doing so, sometimes came off as an aggressive attack dog. Hen knew there was an underlying reason for her snarkiness, bitterness, and aggression but Mariana never spoke of it. Instead, the team just tried to help her stay calm and manage situations peacefully.

They were still working on it.

Mariana angrily stabbed her fork into her dinner and chowed down, her jaw clenching as she turned her head to watch Buck bother Bobby.

“Bobby can look out for himself, y’know? I get that you two had a rocky relationship when he first came here and you feel like you have to make up for that, but he’s a captain. He knows how to handle the likes of Buck,” Hen said.

“It’s not that. I...ugh, clearly I have  _ issues  _ letting people in. I don’t know, Bobby’s the first person who I’ve felt like I can be open with. He’s the first captain I’ve been able to trust. He hasn’t left.”

Hen saw the chance to get the brunette to open up and took it. “Is that why you struggled with the other captains? They left so soon?”

Mariana shrugged, pushing her food around her bowl. “Guess so. I don’t really have a great track record with people staying. Everyone leaves me at one point or another.”

“Not us. We aren’t leaving any time soon. Got it?”

A heavy thud drew their attention back towards Bobby and Buck and they found the younger man shoved up against the wall by a furious looking captain. Bobby stormed off which was perfect timing since the bell began to wail.

“Engine, ladder, RA 118. Plane crash all hands on deck,” dispatch announced. Mariana shot up from her seat and she glanced at Hen with wide eyes.

“Plane crash?”

The two women rushed to the pole and quickly slid down. Mariana hopped into the driver’s seat of the ambulance as Hen joined her in the passenger seat. They would need to be prepared for the worst.

But they never expected this.

Mariana and Hen joined Bobby and Buck as they stared towards the flaming hunk of metal in the ocean.

“You guys ever seen something like this?” Buck asked. No one dared to answer.

They hiked their packs up their backs and took off running towards the beach. The Coast Guard was working with lifeguards to lower another boat and Bobby gestured for the team to help.

“Captain Nash. Who’s got incident command?” he yelled over the din of the helicopter.

“You do now, Captain. It looks like the plane split in two on impact.”

“Alright, I’m gonna need you two to be my point men on the beach. Hen, I need you to check on the Coast Guard chopper. Buck, I need you to check with the dive team. Mari, your main job is injuries. Check in with the main tents and then I need you on the beach and transporting people to triage and treat.”

“Yes sir,” Mariana shouted as she began to jog towards the tents. Coast Guard officers were scrambling around and trying to prep tarps and triage the few victims they had pulled out already. One man looked up as Mariana approached.

“Here to help?”

“Yeah. Mariana Ramirez, paramedic with the 118 and ER nurse down at County Gen. I’m here to help transport victims from the plane but I need to know what we’re working with here.”

“Dan Evans, Coast Guard. Nice to see someone who knows what they’re doing. Ever seen something like this?”

“I’ve seen a few earthquakes, a train crash once, but never a plane crash. Nothing this large. How’s it looking?”

“Based on what we’ve seen so far, decent. That label depends on how many people we pull out of the water. Are you ready to take command?”

Mariana’s mouth went dry as she realized he was addressing her. As in, she would be in charge. She was just supposed to be relief until more paramedics came on scene. Glancing around, she realized that she was not only the first paramedic but also probably the only one with heavy trauma experience thanks to the ER. They needed her.

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

The brunette tightened her ponytail and dropped her bag to the ground. She waved her hand above her head and let out a sharp whistle to bring attention to herself.

“My name’s Mariana Ramirez and I’m taking command of triage command. New responders need to report to me because I need four teams. One for retrieval, one for triage, one to treat, and one for travel and total. Has anyone worked on something like this before?”

Two, maybe three hands went up. Better than none.

“Come see me after this. Retrieval needs to be ready at the beach to unload victims from the boats and grab people from the water. Triage takes over from retrieval and determines who goes where. Treat is obvious. Majority of EMTs will be with me at treat. We need two rapid triage centers where we can handle time sensitive emergencies. Transport needs to be on standby and ready to move patients to RAs and roll out as fast as possible. Cots are top priority and then red tarps, then yellow, then green.

“Listen, I know that things will get hard out here. You stay focused, you complete the tasks at hand, then you have the time to grieve. These people need us to be at our best. We owe the living and the dead the respect they deserve. If you feel like you need to tap out, find someone to take your place and take a breather. I’ll speak to all of your captains and COs later. Tell them to sign you up for therapy. Group up and help set up the tarps while I assign leaders to each team.”

Mariana nodded in dismissal and everyone burst into movement with newfound energy. Paramedics joining them were quickly swept into the efforts as officers moved to help set up shelves for medical equipment. The few people who had experience began to make their way towards Mariana.

“I thought you said you’ve never dealt with something like this,” Dan said.

“I’ve seen my fair share of death to know how to get through a night like this,” was her simple reply. “You four will be my contacts with the various groups. I need someone on retrieval, triage, treat, and transport. Any major developments or something changes and you contact me. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am. Where will you be?”

“Treating patients or coordinating with the temporary morgue. Make sure to keep tourniquets on hand and ready. Now go!”

Within minutes, the triage team was bringing the first few victims to their makeshift ER. Mariana beckoned for them to follow her to the first gurney where they promptly laid down the patient. An EMT joined her in assessing the patient.

“Deep laceration to the forehead and a fractured ulna. Ortho’s gonna have to reset that properly. Tag,” she called. The EMT passed her one of the small tags and Mariana scribbled some notes across it in Sharpie before tying it to the man’s wrist.

“Get this guy onto an RA and to USC. Yellow level.”

Transport team dashed the body out while triage hurried someone in from the red tarps and onto their cot. Mariana let out a sigh of relief at the success of her system. But that relief soon turned into a pit in her stomach at the sight of one of the retrieval team sprinting up from the beach.

“Artery is knicked!” the woman shouted as she sprinted towards the second cot. Mariana glanced up at the EMT standing across the table from her. The girl looked young and green, probably fresh out of training.

“Hey, you’ve got this. What’s your name?”

“Mia Curtis, ma’am.”

“Mia, you’ve trained for this. Just assess, tag for transport, and treat until they move him. I’ll be over on the other side. It’s scary, the first time, but after this you’ll be ready for anything.”

Mariana dashed over to the other bed, changing her gloves as she ran. The young teen was stretched out on the cot, blood pouring out of her leg and coating her skin. Bone was sticking through her thigh and hot blood was spurting out around it.

“I need clamps and I need you to get a rig ready to roll ASAP,” she barked.

“Ramirez, you don’t think-”

“ _ Now _ .” The growl cut through the air, silencing the protest of the Coast Guard officer. The woman gave her a dubious look but Mariana was focused on the young girl lying on the cot in front of her. An arterial bleed meant minutes, maybe seconds before the victim bled out. The nearest hospital with a trauma level one was nine minutes with no traffic.

“Hi, I’m Mariana. Can you tell me your name?”

“J-Jessica. Jessica Donahue,” she gasped out. Blood tinged her lips which was never a good sign. Mariana grabbed the clamps off of the makeshift shelf they had set up and moved down towards her thigh.

“Alright, Jessica. This is going to hurt but it’s necessary. I’m sorry.”

“Just do it.”

Mariana grimaced as she started to dig into the girl’s thigh. This kid couldn’t be older than eighteen and she was taking it like a trooper. Mariana found her artery and applied the clamp. Wrapping a tourniquet around Jessica’s upper thigh, she pulled it tight and scribbled the time down on the tag she then hung around the teen’s neck.

“How old are you, Jessica? Were your parents on the plane?”

“I-I’m sixteen. Just me. Visited my grandma.”

“And you’re from LA?”

“Born and raised,” the teen choked out, a small smile on her lips.

“Me too,” Mariana said. She looked around for any sign of transport but she knew Jessica didn’t have much time. That’s why the officer had hesitated. They both knew the truth.

“Tell me about yourself, Jessica. Do you like to be called Jessica or Jess?”

Mariana stripped off the blood soaked gloves on her hands and tossed them into the small biohazard can in the corner of the tent. She returned to Jessica’s side just in time to hear the teen whisper out a small “Jess”. The paramedic kneeled down so she was face to face with her and she raised her hand, running her fingers through the teen’s tangled and soaked hair.

“I knew a Jess once. You remind me of her. She was brave too.”

“Was?” Jess’s eyes fluttered slightly but she locked eyes with Mariana.

“She was killed in a drive by. You, however, you’re going to go home today. You’re going to see your parents. Do you have any pets?”

“Two dogs a-and a fish.” Her breathing was becoming shallower and shorter.

“They’re going to be so excited to see you! I’m sure they’ve missed you.”

Jess’s big blue eyes filled with tears and she sniffled. “I’m dying, aren’t I?”

“Yeah. Yeah, you are. I’m so sorry,” Mariana whispered.

“It’s okay. I-It doesn’t hurt.”

“That’s good. That’s really good. I wish I could do more to help.”

Jess’s eyes began to shut slowly but she forced them open for just one more brief moment. “D’ya know...the sunshine song?”

“You are my sunshine?”

“Yeah, my...my mom used to...used to sing it.”

Mariana shifted her weight so she could sit back better, her hand still stroking Jess’s hair. She leaned down to sing. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

Jess stared at her, blue eyes blank and far away as her final breath left her body. Mariana moved her hand from the teen’s dark hair to gently close her eyes and then check her pulse. She stared at the young girl for a moment before standing. Before she could pick her up, one of the EMTs on the transport team approached.

“I’ll take her to the morgue,” he announced.

“I’ve got it,” she shot back. The brunette scooped the younger woman into her arms and began to carry her to the black tent off to the side of the triage area. Blood seeped into her uniform but she didn’t care. She entered the tent and found an empty body bag in the growing row. Ever so gently, Mariana bent down and placed Jess in it. She reached into the teen’s pockets and pulled out her driver’s license, wordlessly passing it to the officer that came up behind her. Mariana pulled the zipper up and hesitated when it got to her face. Steeling herself, the latina yanked the zipper up and stood to face the officer.

“I want to be the one to call,” she informed her.

“That’s not protocol, Ramirez.”

“To hell with protocol. I just watched that girl die. I want to be the one to call her parents. Go ahead, tell me no. But when you arrest me, be sure to let Athena Grant know,” she hissed. Fire ignited in Mariana’s dark eyes and the officer shifted uncomfortably. He nodded and moved over to grab a tablet, entering in Jess’s information. Within seconds he had her parent’s information on the screen. Mariana fished her phone out of her Nomex pant’s pocket, grimacing at the blood streaked across the screen. Ignoring it, she dialed the first number and stepped outside of the tent to wait.

It rang once. It rang twice. On the third ring, it picked up.

“Hello? Hello, who is this?” a woman answered.

“Is this...is this Allison Donahue?”

“This is she. Who is this? Is this about the plane? Is Jess okay?”

“Mrs Donahue, my name is Mariana Ramirez and I’m a paramedic on scene of the plane crash. I...We tried everything to save Jess but her injuries were too extensive. I’m so sorry.”

A sob tore through the other line of the phone and then a terrible, dreadful scream followed. Mariana shut her eyes, listening to the grief crashing down on the poor woman. It was a feeling she was very familiar with. She would sit and grieve with Mrs Donahue for another minute, but then she would get up, brush herself off, and return to work.

///

“You’re late!” Hen called as Mariana entered the firehouse. The brunette screwed her face up in an unattractive scowl as she passed the older paramedic on her way to the locker room. Her new uniform was already hanging up after the other one was destroyed by blood three nights ago. Out of 176 passengers on that plane, 124 ended up in the morgue.

Including one innocent sixteen year old who didn’t deserve it. Mariana had looked up her obituary. Honors student, two sport athlete, active in her church and volunteering, and the biggest punch to the gut was she was a foster kid adopted eight years ago by two loving parents who were now devastated. Mariana already made a note in her calendar to attend the funeral and stand in the back.

“Uber driver didn’t know how to drive in LA traffic,” Mariana explained curtly as she stripped down and pulled on her uniform.

“What’s wrong with your car?” Hen asked as she leaned against the doorframe.

“Nothing. I just didn’t feel like driving.”

“Well, Bobby’s still not here and he’s not picking up his phone. Buck and I are going to swing by his place. You in?”

“Yeah. Dobbins watching the crew?”

Hen hummed an affirmative while Mariana finished the last few buttons and pinned on her badges. She threw her clothes into her locker and snapped a ponytail holder around her wrist.

“I’ll braid it on the way there,” she explained.

“But you usually drive.”

“Have Buck do it,” Mariana sighed as she strode towards the parking lot. Buck was already waiting by his Jeep and he opened the back door for her as she approached. “What a fucking gentleman!”

“Jeez, what crawled up your ass?” Buck snarked back, slamming the door shut behind her.

“Don’t bother, Buck. It must be one of her bad days,” Hen grunted as she slid into the passenger seat. Mariana rolled her eyes with a childish huff and focused on braiding her hair back from her face and down her back. By the time she was wrapping the band around the end of her braid, they were at Bobby’s apartment complex. He lived barely two blocks down from the station.

Hen tried knocking while Buck called repeatedly. Mariana leaned against the wall, intently studying her nails while Bobby still didn’t respond.

“Bobby? Bobby, open up!” Hen shouted.

“He ever gone MIA like this?” Buck asked.

“Nope,” Mariana replied, popping the “p” in her statement. He shot her an annoyed look which she swiftly responded to with a single finger.

“Honestly, I don’t...I don’t know much about his story before he took over the house,” Hen replied, ignoring the younger woman. “Just that he uh...he’s in recovery.”

Buck began to try Bobby’s cell again as Mariana sighed and pushed off of the wall. She pulled a pin out of her newly braided hair and yanked it apart, approaching the door.

“You can hear that, right?” Buck asked before he noticed Mari. “What are you doing?”

“I’m opening the door. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“I have a key,” Hen said flatly.

“Should have used that sooner,” Mariana muttered as the door unlocked. She twisted the handle and pushed it open, revealing a practically bare living room.

“Since when have you been able to do  _ that? _ ” Buck exclaimed.

Mari entered the apartment first, searching for their captain. There were four plates set at the table but that was the only thing that she could consider to be decoration. Her head swung to the side and that’s when she saw him stretched out on his bed with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels next to him.

Her gaze softened and all the fight in her seemed to seep out. Mariana checked his pulse from his wrist just to be sure and she nodded to herself. 

“Buck, help me carry him to the bathtub. Cold water will shock him out of it. I’ll make him my hangover cure,” she sighed. “Sobered my uncle up pretty quick.”

Fifteen minutes later and Mariana set a plate with an egg and a single piece of toast on it in front of a soaked but alert Bobby. She placed a coffee mug right next to his plate and then seated herself across from him in one of the chairs from his dining table.

“How long has it been?” Buck finally broke through the silence that cloaked the apartment.

“Five hundred and forty six days. Forty five and a half if we’re being picky. Ugh, god...Days. Eighteen months,” Bobby groaned.

“That crash was hard core.” Mariana missed out on all of the action on the plane but she still saw the majority of the victims afterwards. If that was anything to go by, the actual scene had to have been horrible.

“We all have our breaking point,” Hen said gently. Bobby said nothing and the three exchanged a look. Hen decided to try something else. “Who were you cooking for? There are four plates set.”

“I don’t know. I was drunk.”  _ Denial. Avoidance. Classic signs of trauma. Of guilt. _

Bobby inhaled deeply before shooting them all a pointed look. “I am gonna be fine. This is a one time thing, I promise. Okay? I’m good. I’m sorry I put you guys through this.”

“Bobby,” Mariana spoke up. Gone was the anger and barbed words. All that was left was a certain softness in her eyes, like a daughter gazing upon her father. “The urge...never truly fades. No matter how long it’s been. But when it does hit, well...it hits hard. Next time you want to pick up a bottle, pick up the phone.”

He stared at her long and hard, recognizing the look in her eyes as one he was familiar with.  _ An addict. A junkie. Someone who depends on something to get them through the day. _ He couldn’t tell what her vice was. He knew she had never touched a drop of alcohol and she certainly didn’t use drugs either. Her hands were steady when she worked, never trembling to grasp an invisible bottle of booze or pills.

“You know why redwoods can grow so high?” Hen added. “They move and bend with the wind. If you stay rigid, eventually you’ll break.”

“You calling me uptight? She’s calling me uptight, isn’t she?”

“Maybe ask for help once in a while?” Buck said.

Bobby nodded, slowly and surely. Then, he bowed his head.

“Help.”

The word was punctuated with tears and Mariana surged forward, sitting across from him on the coffee table. She grabbed his hands and squeezed them tightly, reassuring him that they were present. They were here. They weren’t leaving. Hen hugged him from one side and Buck from the other.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry guys,” he cried.

“Don’t be,” Hen reassured him.

“You’ve helped us all this time. Let us help you for a change.”


	6. six

As she dangled above the destroyed floor, Mariana noticed something was off. Bobby and Buck were focusing on rescuing people while Hen managed treating people. Mariana’s job was to call out any movement in the rubble and to find places to stabilize any of the rocks that could potentially come tumbling down.

But something was off with the foundation of the building. She repelled down, landing softly on the destroyed stone. Bending down, Mariana picked up a piece of what looked like crumpled metal.

“Cap,” she called, raising it up so he could see. Bobby plucked it from her hands and studied it for a second before glancing up at Hen.

“Is the owner here?”

“Uh, that’s him right there. Why?”

Bobby immediately strode towards him and Mariana hurriedly unclipped herself from the rope, a swear pulling at her lips but never really escaping. She followed after him, knowing that he was still shaky after the events that transpired a few hours prior.

“When’d you put in the third floor?” Bobby asked the owner. “When did you put on the third floor? You think I don’t know what that is?!”

He threw the metal at the man who jumped to avoid it. Mariana winced at the crashing sound and Bobby’s yell, her mind flashing dangerous images.  _ Red and blue flashing lights. An ache in her leg. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. Flashlight in her eyes. _

“Tha-that’s Kal Pal! That stuff’s been banned! You didn’t reinforce the concrete with steel and instead you used that crap! This used to be a two story building. The floor that collapsed, that was the roof, huh? Wasn’t it?!” Bobby yelled, grabbing the front of the man’s shirt. Mariana snapped out of her thoughts and she began to surge forward as Hen called his name.

“You know what you did, you son of a bitch!” he roared. “You’re going to jail. That’s manslaughter!”

“Captain!” Mariana barked, yanking back on his arms as he pushed the man forward. Bobby spun around, shoving Mariana back and to the ground. He immediately froze, as did Buck and Hen as Mariana caught herself by twisting and landing on her hands and knees in the middle of the debris. Her breathing was ragged as she straightened out, sitting up and brushing the dust off of the front of her uniform. Buck bent down and extended his hand for her to take but she shoved him away, rose to her feet, and marched out.

“What is wrong with you?” Hen exclaimed.

“Back off, Hen,” Bobby barked.

“Back off, really?! Not twenty four hours ago, you were saying “help”. What happened to that?”

Bobby wrenched his arm out of her grip and stormed off, following the path Mariana took. He found the younger woman by the truck where she was pacing back and forth.

“Mariana,” he muttered in the beginning to an apology. She didn’t even turn around to look at him. Her next words were icy and poised directly for the heart.

“If I wanted to talk to a drunk who hit me, I would go see my uncle at the county jail,” she snarled before she walked off towards the injured wedding guests.

///

“Six hours in and no severed limbs,” Anna announced as she exited the trauma bay. Mariana smirked at her comment and glanced up from the chart she was working on.

“Night’s still young,” Leslie called as she entered the second trauma bay. 

Their shift had been slow which Mariana was both grateful for and frustrated. She used work to distract herself from all the shit happening in her life. The fact that no one was being brought in by EMS and wailing about how they accidentally sliced their toes off was becoming very annoying. Instead, she had to dwell in her thoughts for hours on end which is the last place she wanted to be, if she were frank.

Shutting the folder of the chart, Mariana slid it back onto the stack and leaned back in her chair. Anna took the other chair behind the nurses station and sighed, spinning around. Leslie emerged from the trauma bay, gesturing for the cleanup crew to begin.

“I’m not going to say the dreaded word,” Anna began. “But this has to be one of the...sweetest nights we’ve had ever.”

“Sweetest?” Leslie snorted, leaning over the desk to pass Mariana her chart. “Can you be a dear and input that?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just ‘cause I can type the fastest doesn’t mean you all can continue to take advantage of me.”

Another one of the night shift nurses, Flynn, chuckled as he passed them. “Trauma bay two and three is empty, one is being cleaned, and rooms three and four have patients waiting for a resident. Other than that, all we have is small cuts here and there. Does anyone else feel weird?”

“I welcome the relaxation. I bet Mari does too. You work like, sixty hours a week,” Anna scoffed.

“Sixty to seventy-two, to be exact.”

“When do you sleep?”

“The other ninety six hours. And we sleep at the firehouse. It’s not me being awake the entire shift.” She grimaced at the mention of her other job. Her next shift was in two days and she really didn’t want to deal with Robert Nash. Was she a little harsh? Yeah. Was she sorry? A bit. Was she angry?

Oh hell yeah.

Leslie knew that she was angry. Her boss didn’t question anything when Mariana asked for a ride into work today. She just picked the younger woman up and wordlessly held her hands out for her car keys. Mariana relinquished them without protest.

The dark haired latina was finishing up the chart when the emergency room doors slid open. Three huge guys walked in, a frail older woman slowly being led in by one of the guys. Mariana hopped up and waved them over. 

“Yo, we found this lady down in South LA. She’s super confused and don’t know where she’s supposed to be. Figured you could help her,” the leader of the group said.

“You came to the right place. Here, why don’t we get her settled in a room and I’ll page a doctor and contact the LAPD for a missing persons check.”

Thirty minutes later and Evan Buckley himself rushed into her emergency room with a redheaded woman. Mariana was leaving the room next to Patricia Clarke’s when Buck and his friend rushed in. Athena gave them the run down as Mari slipped back into the room she was just in, pretending to scribble something down on her chart. She finally left the room and headed back for the nurse’s station when Athena Grant stopped her.

“Hen told me about there being a little trouble at work,” Athena hummed.

“Leslie already has my keys,” she replied without looking up at her. “I get off shift at two and then she’ll drive me home. I uber to the station. You don’t have to worry.”

“But I do worry. You’ve been dealt a shitty hand, kid.”

“Like I didn’t already know that. Thank you for the reassurement.”

Athena rolled her eyes and tugged at the end of Mariana’s braid. “But you sure as hell know how to play the game better than anyone. You’re twenty-six and yet you face your demons with more grace than some people my age.”

“You think I should forgive Bobby.” It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement. Like a mother would a child, Athena gently lifted Mariana’s head and leveled her with a pointed but caring look.

“I think you should remember the times you have stumbled and lashed out at others. You’re a strong girl and growing stronger every day, but you need to trust your team and trust yourself. Being a little open won’t kill you.”

“Killed a lot of other people,” she quipped. Athena’s eyes narrowed into a glare and Mariana smirked,

“None of those were your fault. Got it? I won’t be hearing none of that anymore. You gotta start being kinder to yourself, kiddo. I haven’t seen you smile since you were nineteen.”

Mariana sighed, averting her gaze from the police officer. She chewed at her lip before nodding in concession. Glancing back up at Athena, a small glimmer of some hidden emotion glinted in her dark eyes.

“Where would I be if you hadn’t been there that night?” Mariana asked in a light tone. There was a hint of teasing but there was a deeper meaning to it. They both knew where she would be.

“You should come by for dinner one of these nights. May and Harry miss you.”

“Tell me when and I’ll be there.”

///

Mariana couldn’t bring herself to talk to Bobby. Athena’s words rang through her head and she knew she would need to speak to him at some point, but her courage and her words failed to come forward. She stayed downstairs and cleaned up the trucks, restocked the ambulance, and even shined her boots. She was about to make another lap of the apparatus bay when the bell rang. Mariana never felt so relieved for a call.

It was simple enough. Some guy got wrapped up in the car wash brushes and he had no concussion or injuries. Hen had been initially concerned about his dazed appearance and slow reaction but Mariana was quick to determine it was just a really nice high.

Hen and Mari were loading him up into the rig when Buck’s laughter floated through the air. Mariana turned, spying Bobby glancing over at the gas station where the youngest member of the team was currently occupying. The three wordlessly walked towards the small building, finding Buck with the manager.

“Buck, what are you doing?” Bobby demanded as Buck continued to laugh hysterically.

“You’ve got to see this!” he cackled. “P-play the tape. Come on, one more time.”

The manager rewound the tape as Buck jostled and bumped into them. “Wait for it, wait for it.”

The tape started to play showing the employee getting wrapped up in the hose. Mariana bit her lip and shook her head, crossing her arms across her chest while Buck descended into another fit of laughter.

“Buck, that man could have been seriously injured,” Bobby chastised.

“Yeah, seriously...this is...I’m sorry,” Mariana chuckled. The video kept going as the guy was being spun around and around. Hen leaned on Mari, her shoulders shaking with laughter. The more she watched, the funnier it became and soon Mariana was laughing outright. 

“This is so unprofessional!” Hen crooned as they descended into another bout of laughter. “I’m not laughing, I’m not!”

Mariana wiped the tears of mirth from under her eyes, her laughter falling away into soft giggles. Buck bumped his shoulder against hers and she darted her hand out, lightly punching him straight in the stomach. Buck let out a grunt and lunged for her but Mariana ducked out of the way with a shriek. The youngest members of the team dashed out of the gas station, poking and shouting at one another like a brother and a sister. Bobby and Hen shared an amused glance before they headed back towards the truck.

An hour later, Mariana found herself seated at the dinner table of the station. Bobby had made chicken and veggies with a promise of ice cream later. The joy she had felt earlier was starting to fade and her usual stoic expression made a reappearance. Bobby was trying to make conversation and was telling them little fun facts about his past while asking questions about their lives.

“Ah, Mari...I noticed you didn’t drive yourself in today,” he commented. Mariana had been deflecting the conversation all dinner but Athena’s words came back to hit her in the gut at that exact moment. She sighed, setting her fork down and glancing at her plate.

“When I’m, uh, stressed or tired or uh, y’know, I can’t drive. Well, I can. But the temptation is a bit much. I was almost arrested when I was nineteen and- sorry, I’m not making any sense.”

“It’s okay, Mari,” Hen whispered. Mariana nodded and raised her head to look them all in the eyes.

“I started illegal street racing at fifteen. It was a way to make money, get out of the house, and connect with my papa. I didn’t have a crash until I was nineteen. I was a year into nursing school and the training just kicked in. Guy was bleeding out but I guess I stopped it in time because EMS said he would have died if I hadn’t acted. Athena arrested me but she saw that I was just some stupid kid who felt like she had no way out of a bad situation. The city didn’t press charges thanks to her and it was wiped from the record. First time Athena Grant saved my ass but certainly not the last.”

Everyone was silent but no one was staring at her with disdain or judgement. Mariana took a deep breath and looked directly at Bobby as she spoke her next statement.

“Our vices, our addictions, stem from the pain we feel from our past. They’re stumbling blocks. We use them because we think they help us feel but in fact, we’re just numbing ourselves to the possibility of feeling anything again. I drive because it reminds me of my papa. But I have to remember that racing isn’t going to bring him back.”

“Did your dad race?” Buck asked, no sign of humor or joking on his face. He was legitimately interested in her story.

“No...he died when I was five. Truck ran a red light and my papa spun the wheel so he got the brunt of the crash. DOA.”

“You race because if you crashed…” Hen’s statement trailed off at the end. She didn’t want to finish the thought.

“Because if I crashed at least I could see him again. Know how much it hurt. He gave his life to save my mama, brother, and I. That used to be my mindset for a while. But after some serious counseling thanks to Athena, I realized that I didn’t have to live my life being so angry about everything. He gave his life to save me so now I have the opportunity to do the same. Everyday I put this uniform on...it’s a reminder that this is greater than me. That I have a purpose and a belonging here. With my family.”

Hen reached across the table and grasped her hands, squeezing them tight as Buck pulled Mari into a tight side hug. Mariana looked up at Bobby to see him smiling at her, a proud look in his eyes. She smiled back, looking as if a small fraction of the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders.

“Does that mean I get to drive the truck from now on?” Buck asked innocently. Mariana snorted out a protesting huff and rolled her eyes.

“Until my therapy appointment tomorrow, yes. But after that, I want my seat back. It’s actually kinda cathartic. No one is going to race a firetruck and I get to save people with the thing that once was a danger.”

“So, if you don’t drink and you don’t party and you no longer drive...what do you do for fun?”

A wicked smirk spread across her lips. “It’s better to show than tell.”

And that is how station 118’s engine and paramedic team was roped into serving dinners at a soup kitchen while a group of elderly women fawned over Buck.


End file.
